July 29, 1998   Tomorrow, I turn 34 years old!  Birthdays seem somehow much more significant to me right now, and something to look forward to rather than dread.  Truth be told, I've never been one of those people that hates getting older and longs for the good old days of my youth.  In fact, I've always held the view that life tends to get better as you get older.  Certainly you become more experienced and wiser in the ways of the world, and I've tended to have more happiness and stability in my life as well.  Plus, most of the coolest women I know have been in their 40's, 50's and older, an age at which they seem to have acquired a certain measure of wisdom, wit and self-assurance.  So I've always looked forward to my birthday, even after I hit the dreaded 3-0 a few years ago.  (Though I'll admit 3-1 was a bit harder for me than 30 - I remember thinking - "wow, it's just going to keep on going up every year!")  

With my recent diagnosis and such, however, birthdays have become even more of a day to celebrate.  When life becomes something you are not taking for granted so much, living another year is a good, good thing.  I plan to have many more birthdays - way more than I've already had, in fact.  

Of course, the other fabulous thing about tomorrow's birthday is that I will not be having a chemo treatment on it.  Let's face it, chemo is not something anyone wants on their birthday, never mind on any other day of the year.  No, I had mine last week, which means by tomorrow, I should be feeling nearly OK again.  This time around  was a bit harder, but still well in the category of bearable.  I have decided, however, that in the spirit of friends who offered to shave their heads in solidarity with me (don't worry - I told them it wouldn't be necessary), I would make a list of things people can do to get a sense of the unique and special "chemo experience".  Since people seem alternately fascinated and repelled by the whole idea of getting chemo, I thought this list might help demystify things a bit.  So here's what you can do to get a glimpse into the wonderful world of chemo -  

1.    Suck on a penny all day to get that nice metallic taste in your mouth.  
2.    Take some burger out of the fridge.  Leave it on the counter for 8 or 10 hours, preferably in the sun.  Cook up a couple rare burgers and eat.  Experience the nausea.  
3.    Eat a bowl of salt for that always thirsty feeling.  
4.    Drink a couple of gallons of OJ for some good heartburn.  See if you can get it to approach the "acid reflux" stage.  
5.    Refrain from pooping for several days.  Take a laxative.  The next day, after a good half hour of hard labor, poop out something the approximate size and shape of a tractor.  Rest.  
6.    Run up and down a flight of stairs in hot humid weather for an hour or so.  This should approximate the lightheadness and fatigue you can get with chemo, except I can experience it without exerting any physical effort at all!  Think of the calories saved!  
7.    Drink a couple six packs of beer and pass out.  That hangover you have the next morning is a close cousin of what I call the "chemo hangover".  Drinking the beer is probably a lot more fun than sitting there hooked up to an IV for a couple hours, however.  Also, beer hangovers usually don't last more than a day.  

OK!  I'm sure everyone is rushing right out to try all that stuff now!  It's heartening to see so many of you willing to suffer in solidarity with little old me.  So, it's true, chemo is no cakewalk.  But, really, several days of feeling yukky but functional seems vastly preferable to the bad old pre-Kytril days where people basically barfed for three days in a row.  I'll take the manageable nausea and no barfing option please!  

Whoops - almost forgot to tell everyone my recent GOOD NEWS!  Probably the best way to convey it is to transcribe a phone conversation I had the other night, 
and my thoughts during said conversation.  

<Phone rings>  
Me: Hello?  
Male Caller: Laura?  
Me: Yes?  (Thinking: Hmm - who is this?)  
Caller: Should I just start singing Happy Birthday to you now?  
Me: Uh...sure! (Thinking: That's nice, but who IS this?)  
Caller:  (singing, slightly off key) Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to youuuu!!  
Me: Ha ha ha (Thinking:  Who the HECK IS THIS GUY?)  
Caller: So I looked at your Xray today and guess what??  
Me: What?  (Thinking:  OH!!!  It's my DOCTOR!!  What a dweeb!)  
Singing Doctor: Your chest mass has shrunk by 50%!!  
Me:  Really?  YAY!!!!!  
Doc 'o Mine: That's really great progress after only 3 treatments!  You're doing great!  
Me:  YAYYYY!!!  Thanks Doc!  That's the best birthday present I could get!! (Thinking: What a great doc I have!)  

So that's my good news!  :)  No more neck lump, chest mass already half gone and I've only had 3 treatments - woo hoo!  Unfortunately, my great progress does 
not mean I'll be getting any less chemo, so I DO still have 9 more to go before I'm done.  But knowing it's working makes getting those treatments easier to endure.  Despite all the mental gymnastics we chemo patients are encouraged to do to think of chemo as a GOOD thing, because, after all, it is medicine, and it is going to cure us and save our lives and other really really desirable things - voluntarily taking a bunch of drugs that make you feel really lousy is just never going to be something a person looks forward to.  So every little positive association helps.  At least that stuff is doing it's job!!  

Well, assuming my white blood cells continue to squeak by, I'll be getting treatment number 4 next Thursday.  I'll be going from one quarter to one third done in one treatment!  Not bad!  Then I'll be off on my much anticipated vacation to Provincetown.  I'm tempted to go there and just never leave at this point, but I'll probably come to my senses and return after a week.  I'd rather feel lousy on the Cape then feel good here at this point!  No offense to my wonderful friends - but I NEED A VACATION!!  So all together now - let's do the "white blood cell" chant.........  

Carpe Diem  
11:45 PM  

   

 

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