July 13, 1998 It's time for more tales from the journey down the chemo highway! After nearly running out of white blood cells, our heroine was forced to make a pit stop for some R&R to coax a few more cells out of the old bone marrow before continuing on her merry way. Fortunately, some new ones came out of hiding in the nick of time, and a fresh dose of cancer killing chemo was promptly pumped into her veins. When last seen, said white blood cells were swimming for their lives yelling - "what the hell! we just GOT here!!" They're somewhat comforted by the knowledge that they're giving their lives for a good cause however - namely, the trouncing of the evil cancer cells that have suffered major casualties as of late. Lately, I've been on a personification kick. I'm taking it to a point where I'm not only thinking of things like white blood cells in these terms, but actually giving them names and personalities. I think it started when I went out and purchased an actual wig last week, in anticipation of my imminent baldness. I promptly named the wig "Fifi", and we talk about her as if she is a real, somewhat hairy person. Fifi is kind of a glamour gal, prone to wild parties and flirting. Thus I have to keep her boxed most of the time to keep her out of trouble. She'll be accompanying me on occassional boondoggles however, so I'm sure many of you will meet her at some point. Pictures will be posted on the site soon, especially pictures of my dog Sammy wearing Fifi, which are truly priceless.
Then there's those much loved white blood cells. When I got down to a count of 1.8 a couple of weeks ago, I envisioned that I only had 2 actual white blood cells, and felt compelled to name them. For some reason, the names George and Mary sprung to mind, and it was only later that I realized I have neighbors named George and Mary, and wondered if I was subconsciously associating them with white blood cells for some bizarre reason. Best not to dwell too much on such questions, I've found. George and Mary are my friends, and in charge of all other white blood cells. While other cells come and go, George and Mary are holding down the fort. They're in charge of coaxing new cells out of my marrow and then showing them the ropes. They're very reliable sorts.
I'm sure the cast of characters will grow as the process continues, and I'll keep you all posted on new additions. Giving names to things makes the whole visualization process much easier, especially since I have a hard time taking things like visualization too seriously. The healing process in 1998 seems to involve perplexingly contradictory methods between traditional and alternative approaches. On the one hand, I find alternative methods to be extremely useful and effective options over and above traditional medicine's "what drug can we give you now?" approach. On the other hand, I just want to laugh when some woman on some tape is intoning
that I should be communing with my inner "soul image".These issues are magnified when it comes to issues of faith and belief, which are inextricably intertwined with life threatening illnesses. There are way too many references to God on my current Hodgkins email list for me to just ignore them. So I've been exploring my hard-core agnosticism in a bit more depth these days, though I have yet to reach any profound revelations. I guess it's something we all really ought to do in our lives, but somehow I think it was easier when I was ignoring it and just having a good time! If I encounter any burning bushes or anything, I'll be sure and let you all know.
If I'm sounding a bit scattered this week, you can chalk it up to a phenomenon known as "chemo brain". This is something us cancer survivors use to excuse spacy and forgetful behavior and it's damn handy. I was pretty spacy before this whole ordeal, but now I have an EXCUSE! It has gotten a bit worse though, I must admit. I literally tell Shari the same thing twice within 30 seconds and she has to gently remind me that I just TOLD her that!! I get back at her by rubbing my sharp head stubble against her. I could use my head to sand wood right now! As usual, Shari is taking everything admirably in stride, which is just one of the many reasons I adore her.
Well, I promise I'll be journal-keeping more reliably this week, since I slacked off on it for awhile there. I appreciate all the positive feedback from everyone, so keep those emails coming! Now get back to work everyone!
Carpe Diem
12:30 PM
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